Always a wall flower.
It doesn’t always feel good being a wall flower, but It doesn’t give peace being anything else.
Ive always been the kind of person who would always attend a gathering or a party but would be there for a friend or two, not for the lot. It doesn’t mean I would not interact with most others, I would. I don’t hate people. I love people, I love hearing to them, I love the thoughts and love seeing their emotions behind the thoughts but I feel as I’m not doing them justice. I don’t reciprocate, not because I don’t have the words, I just seem to not have the energy. Even if I do feel like I have the energy, I just feel as If someone would not value my words as much I value theirs. That leaves me quiet.
Introversion is a weakness, according to most extroverted maniacs. Being an INFJ personality type I value honesty but I’m more of a private person. Except for a few of my friends no one really knows me. I’m not emotionally dull, I feel things, I just don’t open up, I hate showing vulnerability. I’m only vulnerable with the people I have developed a certain level of trust with. You might be the best of the crowd but I still wouldn’t deem you trust worthy. It is just who I am.
Although people say Introversion is a weakness, I don’t stand by this. I am Assertive, I would do what I need to, when I need to. I don’t shy away from talking to the shop keeper. I can handle my problems on my own. Its the emotional part that’s introverted.
Why am I a wallflower?
Being in the corner is my choice. Although, people would think being in the corner would leave me feeling as If I’m not worth enough, I still wouldn’t have it any other way. Even when I know people don’t hate me, If its a social gathering I don’t want to be the center of attention. I shy away from even the slightest things that would put me in the eyes of someone.
It’s a weird thing tho, I don’t feel any slight bit of shyness when I know I have to be on the stage and deliver a presentation meant to secure a good grade. I don’t let the introversion bring down my ability to convey my knowledge to the examiner in a viva. I don’t shy away from attending a patient and asking them the slightest details. I don’t feel even a single tremor when I’m stitching wounds whilst comforting the pain of my patient.
But when it’s me and a group of people who are about to talk about life, I would rather sit that one out. Introversion for me is then not a weakness as it doesn’t hamper me professionally.
After reading so much about how to become extroverted and how to speak confidently, I think I would rather publish I book on how to be introverted, calm, and professional and people would actually read it. You don’t need to be loud to be successful. You don’t always need to be in the limelight to feel worthy. Being in the corner doesn’t mean you’re less, it just means you know where to invest your energy wisely. Not engaging in small talk wont make you a lesser being. It just saves your energy to talk about the cosmos and the world with a few that are actually worth your time and headspace.
The idea of being extroverted seems glam but for me, solitude is peace. I’m a wall flower, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
